Sunday, January 31, 2010

My First Group Full Moon Ritual

I attended my first full moon ritual on Saturday at Luna's shop of Enchantments in Milford PA. I can not say enough about the experience. There was a mix of people from beginners to devout practitioners of many years. Everyone was so open and welcoming and willing to teach and learn.

When I first arrived I felt a bit shy, because my husband was not able to attend with me do to the fact that our babysitter got sick at the last minute, so I didn't really know anyone there. I used the time to do some shopping and picked up some herbs and candles that I needed. Eventually two other beginners approached me and we had a pleasant conversation and I felt much more at ease.

We all went upstairs to the loft where the circle was actually conducted and the ritual began. I learned so much about how to cast a circle and calling the quarters just from watching Lady Raven, the group leader. I also learned about the property's of the wolf moon and how it had been affecting my life. The energy work that we did with the group was also a great experience. Difficult to describe in words exactly how it made me feel, but rest assured it is a very strong positive feeling.

Unfortunately I was chosen that night to take care of my mother-in-law, so I did not get the opportunity to stay and chat after the circle. Hopefully next time.

Practicing solitary is a amazing experience on it's own for me, but having the opportunity to work with a group has brought my understanding of the divine and the energy we work with to a whole new level.

Blessed Be

What I Think About God...Then and Now

As I child I pictured God as a friendly looking Grandfather type man with a big staff sitting on a cloud. As I grew older and learned more about the vengful side of him the images became less pleasant. All of these images are so different from what I know the divine to be today.

I don't believe that the pictures and statues we use are actualy what the dieties look like. I think they are more of a representation of traits that they carry and the images that we create help us understand them better.

When I was younger I thought that I had to believe in God because my elders said so, and I never thought to question why. For a long time that made me question the existing of any higher power. There was a time that I believed in Science as the only explanation for how the universe works, but eventualy I started questioning why science works. The answer to it all, at least for me, was that a higher power is working "behind the scenes" to create and perfect this world we live in.

I feel like I was cheated as a child by only being taught about one god. The one they said was the only true god. Of course every parent has a right and responsiblilty to teach their children about their believes, but I feel like I was forced to believe what they do, which to me is unfair.

I hope to give my children a more open-minded belief system. Right now I have one child who is a Christian, and one who is a pagan, and one who is too young to understand. I try to avoid letting them see pictures of any particular gods or goddesses because I want them to come to know the divine on their own before they are exposed to other peoples representations.

Saturday, January 30, 2010


Meditation is still new for me. I have only started about two weeks ago, but already I am seeing the benefits. I have tried a few methods and of all of the methods I've tried gazing at a candle flame as been the most effective. The peaceful feeling that I felt afterwords lasted for days. Unfortunately it also took quite a lot of time and with three kids and a very childish husband time is a luxury I don't get much of.

Another method that I have tried is wall gazing. Because I am so short I don't have a chair that I can sit back on and have my feet touch the floor at the same time (Go ahead, laugh if you must) so I sat on the toilet with a soft towel as a cushion. This was effective but I had a very difficult time staying focused.

On the rare occasion that I do have the house to myself for a few minutes, I like to do guided meditiation. I usualy find one that I like in a book or online and then I use my cell phone to record myself reading it so that I can play it back whenever I want. This is also very convienent when I am sitting in the car, waiting to pick someone up form work.

The method that I use most often, only because it is the most convenient is laying in bed and focusing on my breathing. I can do this after everyone is asleep so that I am not disturbed and I sleep so much better after. I am now using prescription sleep aids about once a week as apposed to every night, and I wake up remembering my dreams, including some new skills I had never had before (see I had a dream...What does it mean?)

I would like to start meditating in the morning as well, to start my day off, but I have enough trouble getting up as it is. If I go to bed earlier I won't get the quiet time I need to meditate at night. I will have to think about this a little longer.

Blessed Be

Friday, January 29, 2010

Woke Up With So Many Questions

It must be the Imbolic energy getting to me or something. First the whole braiding issue and now this. I woke up this morning with a ton of questions in my head. Questions that I have never thought to ask before.
Questions like

Where does the Universe End and What lies beyond it?

If Scientists believe that a big bang in the universe started the earth then what started the universe?

If we were put on this earth by a god or goddess or both, what was the purpose?

These questions have been bothering me all day. I know that most of them, I will probably never know the answers to, but I can't help myself from trying to figure them out. The problem is I get to a certain point and then I have to stop because I know that there is a concept in all of the questions that I just can't wrap my head around. I do think this concept is the answer to all of these questions, but I don't know what it is.

Well that's all for today. I have to go give myself a head ache trying to answer unanswerable questions. Blessed Be.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

I Had A Dream. What does It Mean?

A very strange thing happened to me this week. I learned how to braid hair with four strands. Okay, I know that, that isn't so strange all by itself, but it gets weirder. I learned this new skill without being taught. I had a dream one night that I was braiding four stands of fabric that were hanging from a curtain rod in my kitchen. I have never seen this done before, infact I usualy make a mess trying to braid three strands of anything. But when I woke up I was able to do the braid on my duaghters hair perfectly!

Earlier in the week, I had another dream about braiding. I was sitting on my bed braiding my daughters hair. She was standing in front of my. The only unusualy thing about this dream was that the braid was on the right side of her head rather than in the back. Another thing that may be important is that I was rushing in both dreams, yet the results came out perfectly.

I don't usualy remember any of my dreams, so to rember two dreams about the same thing in one week must mean that they have some significance. I have looked up dream meanings but I am getting so many different results that I don't know which ones to believe.

If anyone hear has any expeirence with dream interpretation your comments would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks so much and Blessed Be.

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

The Sun Does Not Rise Over Hawley PA

I checked my trusty Farmer's Almanac on Friday night, figured out what time the sun would be up. I set my alarm clock and woke up early on a Saturday morning...on purpose. I walked outside in the freezing cold with my compass in hand and waited and watched. I watched the sky get brighter for a good 20 minutes longer than I was supposed too. But that big bright ball never showed up.

So the next morning, the only other chance I would have had to sleep in for a week, I got up early and tried again. This time I drove to the lake. I figured without the buildings in the way to block the view I would have a better shot. Do you think I had better luck...Nope. Not a chance!

The sun does not rise over Hawley PA, but I will not give up. I will continue to get up early every morning. I will see a sunrise someday.

Friday, January 22, 2010

I Am Finaly Taking A Stand on a Controversial Issue - Gay Marige

I tend to try to stay neutral on controversial topics most of the time. I don't like taking sides so even if I agree with someone I tend to steer the conversation to a different topic just so I don't have to argue my side. I don't like that about me. If you don't stand for something you will fall for anything. (Buy the way, I came to this realization along with many others while following along with an awsome blog I read called The Prosperity Project.)

So I am taking a stand on issue, one that I never thought much of because it didn't effect my life directly. Recently the topic of civil rights has been on mind. I am starting to see that anyone's civil rights being violated has a huge effect on me as an American.

It wasn't so long ago that mixed race couples were fighting for there rites to get married. Its hard to believe that people were so prejudice back then. It scary to think that our children and grandchildren will think of us the same way.

Denying Any American Basic Civil Rights (or complex ones for that matter) Because of Race Religion of Sexual Orrientations is Wrong. If they can take those rights from one group they can take them from a group you belong to.

All people are created equal regardless of race, religion or sexual orrientation. Thats all I got to say. That is wear I stand on Gay marriage.

Time: A Valuable Commodity

I was sitting outside a bank the other day and noticed a poster saying "How Do You Want To Spend Your Time". I found it kind of funny that the bank was asking how you wanted to spend your time rather than how you wanted to spend your money.

But it did get me thinking about time and how we are allotted a certain amount when you first enter the world. How much you have depends on a ton of variables just like with money. In most cases you can earn more by working hard (i.e. working out, eating healthy) but in some cases you just get lucky and end up with more than most people without having to do anything (good genes) and in other cases you get stuck with a raw deal and have a lot less. (not so good genes).

You can buy certain things with your time just like with money. You could choose to buy a few months of bliss through drugs but it will cost you more than money. It will cost you the years it takes off your life. You can even buy money with your time by working at job. There really is no such thing as a free lunch because everything costs you time.

I am starting to realize how valuable my time really is and I have to rethink how I am going to spend what I have.

A Shamanic Expierience

One of the hallmarks of a shamanic experience are demonstrations of natural psychic, magical or healing abilities.

I have always had an extra sense that seemed normal to me. I don't know if it is considered psychic or magical, or just plain strange (many people consider me just plain strange and I tend to agree with them) but I can tell when people were pregnant before they know themselves. I don't know how I know this. Its not like I can sense the baby's heartbeat or read the baby's mind or anything like that. I just know that they are pregnant. It generally only works on people that I have met more than once, and I do have to be with them. I can't tell from a phone conversation or anything.

When I was six I told my mom that she was going to have another baby. She just laughed and said I hope not. A week later she sat me and my sister down and told me that she was in fact going to have another baby. A few weeks later when she had lost the baby, I knew about that too.

It was at some point in high school that I learned that it is best to keep these things to myself after telling a teacher congratulations on her pregnancy. Apparently she didn't know yet and thought that I was calling her fat. Even after she found out that I was right she never liked me. I didn't do to well in her class.

They say that these things typically follow events such as near death experiences, high fevers, traumatic events ext. ext. ext. I can't remember that far back to tell you if I had any of these things happen to me or not, but I can tell you from stories that my father once left me in my car seat on top of the car and started driving. (Thanks Dad!)

One thing that I do remember is from when I was 11 years old, long after I starting having this ability but long before I knew that it was an ability. I had been sick for a while and I had spiked a high fever. My mother was trying to get me in the bathtub to cool me down and I was fighting her. (I may have been a pretty tough 11 year old, but not as tough as her) At some point I stopped fighting her and started talking to the whale that was telling me it was okay to get in. (I warned you that I was strange) Now of course I have considered that this was a hallucination brought on by high fever, but the whale was telling me that I had a special purpose and that I needed to get better so that I could fulfil this purpose. I don't remember most of this conversation but I know that it changed me and the way I look at the world.

So maybe it was a Shamanic experience and maybe it was the fever induced delusion of a very strange child. Who knows. I suppose it is the outcome that really matters.

Blessed Be.

Cleaner and Greener

I have been feeling lately that I don't really do enough to connect with and protect with the earth. I don't have a yard and in the winter a walk to the park is not very desirable. Aside from a trip to the recycling center twice a month I don't really do very much at all. I decided this week I was going to start using homemade green cleaning products, and (sighs...) actually cleaning.

I have been looking around on the Internet for a few recipes and here is what I have found so far:

Soft Scrubber - Take 1/2 cup baking soda and add liquid detergent until the texture is like frosting. If you want to store this in a jar add a tsp. of vegetable glycerin to keep it from drying out.
When I make this soft scrubber I will probably use shampoo as a liquid detergent because I have used it cleaning my showers before and it actually works works pretty well.

Glass Cleaner - mix 1/4 to 1/2 teaspoon soap or detergent 3 tbsp. vinegar and 2 cups water in a spray bottle. The soap in this recipe is important because it will help was away the residue from the toxic cleaners you have used in the past.

Oven Cleaner - Sprinkle Water generously over the bottom of the oven then coat with at least a cup of baking soda. Sprinkle more water over the top and let sit overnight. The grease should wipe away easily. After you get the bulk of the mess cleaned up use a small amount of detergent to get what remains.

All Purpose Cleaner - Add 1/2 teaspoon washing soda a dab of liquid soap and 2 cups hot water to a spray bottle. Shake well until the washing soda is dissolved.

Furniture Polish - Mix together 1/2 teaspoon olive oil and 1/4 cup vinegar of fresh lemon juice in a glass jar. This recipe stores really well.

Mold Killer - Mix 2 tsp. Tea tree oil with 2 cups water in a spray bottle. Spray on the problem are and don't rinse.

Mopping- mix 1 cup of vinegar and a few drops of olive oil and 1 gallon of water. Some recipes recommend baby oil but I don't recommend this because baby oil can be toxic if inhaled in large amounts so I prefer not to keep it in my house. Kids will always find away to get to something they want. For tough jobs add 1/4 cup borax but use this sparingly on linoleum.

Wish me luck with this. I suppose I should get off my butt and do some cleaning now. Blessed Be!

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Questioning Your Spiritual Path

One of the books that I am reading recommends that I answer the following questions. The book uses the word Wicca but because I have not chosen any particular path yet I will substitute the word Pagan.

1. Why am i exploring the Pagan Path?

I have been exposed to both the Christian and the Pagan path in childhood and nothing about Christianity ever made sense to me. Why should I feel guilty just for being human? Why would God really punish an entire race because two people millions of years ago took a bite of an apple? Why should I be submissive to a man when I am just as capable as him making the same decisions? It makes more sense to me that their is both a male and a female divinity and I feel a connection with the goddess that I never felt to the Christian God.

2. What were my previous spiritual practices?

Like I mentioned before I was a Christian. I went to Sunday School as a child and even as an adult I have attempted to find a Christian church that felt right to me but it just wasn't going to happen. I have also explored Wicca and while that may be the right path for me I am not sure yet. The "Witch Wars" led me to do research on more pagan paths to help figure out what is right for me.

3. Did any of these past practices lead me to investigate Paganism?

Yes they did as I described above. My mother was also a huge influence in my initial investigation and my daughters have re-awakened that interest.

4. What are my fears in engaging in this path.

I am worried about finding a teacher that may mislead me or try to take advantage which is why I am working primarily with books right now. I do plan to get involved with a local pagan group but as for finding a teacher that may have to wait until I overcome my fear.

Another fear I have is my fathers side of the family finding out. I know that I have every right to explore any religion of my choice but it always hurts to hear that someone you care about is disappointed in you.

5. How will I deal with friends and family members who might not approve of my spiritual search?

This kind of goes with the last answer. I do not plan to share my religious practices with anyone who might feel the need to judge me. If they do find out it may hurt but I will not let them make me feel like I have done something wrong.

6. Aside from transitioning to a new spiritual path are there any other major life events that might impact your life at this time?

Yes, my husband will be leaving for several months at the end of February do to circumstances beyond our control. I will miss him tremendously and while we will be able to contact each other it will be limited. I have taken care of the home and children on my own in the past but it is not easy, especially while dealing with the emotions of him being gone.

7. If I have life events happening right now is this the best time to explore a new spiritual path? Why or Why not?

Yes, for a few reasons. 1. Because this needs to be about me, and I have a tendency to let my husbands opinions influence me so while he is gone that will not be an issue. 2. Without this spiritual path I have nothing, and to go through a difficult time alone without any higher power is ten times worse. 3. All of the books and learning will take up a lot of time and make time pass faster.

Thats all of the questions. Blessed Be

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

My first Ritual

Yesterday I participated in my first ritual. It was a small one, but effective. The purpase of it was to melt away a negative emotion. I started by etching the emotion on a white candle then closing my eyes and allowing my self to feel it. I made note to what type of memories were associated with it helping me discover the root cause. I then lit the candle and watched as it melted into something else at the same time seeing the emotion and the attached memories melt away and transform into something else. I then took a long walk and burried it far away. This was not easy considering the ground was frozen and the only thing I took with me to dig with was a tablespoon!

My initial reaction to starting this ritual was exsiment. I mean after all your first time doing most things is exciting (hopefuly) and their was also a serious undertone because It was important to me that it worked. I began very dedicated but after a half hour the candle had only melted a tiny bit I started to feel a bit restless and I noticed my attentions were drifting so I turned and exhast fan on low and the candle did start to burn a little bit faster. I was then able to focus my attention on transforming my emotions for the rest of the time. I had etched the word very low in the candle and once the wax started melting the actual word I did start feeling a change in me taking place. That realy helped to reasure me.

I think that this ritual has really helped me let go of things that needed to be let go of. I feel much more at peace now and I hope this peace lasts for a while.

Blessed Be.

Kind of Pist About Sterotypes Today

It all started with a conversation about how devil worship was not a pagan religion because the devil is a Christian belief, not a pagan one. Well that lead into a conversation of why people are so afraid of Pagans. I am not sure what we have done to deserve the stereotype that we have been given, because other than some pist off teenagers, all of the pagans that I have interacted with have been wonderful.

That got me thinking about some other unfair stereotypes. For one this supposed "Radicalist Gay Agenda" Now after thinking about this for a while and the people who came up with this label I have decided that it is nothing but propaganda. Think about the meaning of the word Radicalist. Go ahead look it up if you need to. I won't tell. Now think about the gay people that you know and the politicians that you have seen. Who fits the definition more. Who the hell is going to be hurt if your gay neighbors get married!

Another one that came to mind is the idea that all feminists are man haters. First of all it does bother me when I see a completely qualified mechanic getting stuck behind the desk all day because she is a girl and it irritates the hell out of me that men still make more money than women for doing the same job. However, I do not hate me. In fact I find them quite appealing ;)

So I will stop ranting now although their is a lot more I want to say and I just can't find the right words. Just a few final words

Stereotypes start from Propaganda. They start to help one group gain power. And they always lead to social injustice. I am angry. You should be too.

Sunday, January 17, 2010

Because We All Have A Need To Place Labels

I was born to two very different Christian parents. My father was from a strict baptist family and my mother a more free spirited Christian. She believed that their was more than one correct path and that we all worshiped the same god but we called him by different names.

By the time I was 14 my father no longer lived with us and my mother having the beliefs that she did, had no problem with me exploring Wicca as long as she reviewed the material before I read it. Perhaps her "screening process" was the reason that I never heard of the "Witch Wars" and who is and isn't allowed to call themselves Wiccan. It wasn't until I was a little older when I started searching the Internet that I found out about theses things.

Their were terms like "fluffy bunny" and "Blessed Wanna Be's" that made me question all that I had accomplished on this amazing journey that I had been taken. I found myself no longer wanting to meet other wiccans or even to be considered one of them. I did not get off the pagan path completely. I still worshiped both a god and goddess and maintained some type of earth centered spirituality but I stopped reading and learning for fear that I might read the wrong thing and be considered one of these fluffy bunnies.

I am 26 now (but if anyone asks you tell them I'm 24 ;) and am starting to feel a deep desire to explore my religion further, to learn and to grow. I am going to try to do this while avoiding all of the negativity and remembering that others opinions having nothing to do with me. That is their problem. My journey is about the relationship that I have with the Divine and nothing else.

This blog will be my journal. I will not delete any comments but I do ask you to be respectful because I will be sure to post my opinion about anyone who is not.

Thank you all for reading and blessed be.